Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
