dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
