just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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