none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
