At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
