i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
