Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
