yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
