were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
