The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She's the barista slut.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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