ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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