So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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