the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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