oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
