it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
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you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
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ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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