Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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