You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
