That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
