he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
