So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
