Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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