Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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