my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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