I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
operation have a gay friend backfired
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
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possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize