My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
