Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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