Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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