Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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