I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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