yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
