i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
