im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
