It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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