Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
