when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize