Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
