Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize