so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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