in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
