I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
