I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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