i dont even know how to be here
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
