It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
