Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
