Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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