You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
