come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
