Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
