Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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