apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
