Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
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Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
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KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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