My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
