I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
