I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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