When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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