Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
