guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
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I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
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His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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