you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
