Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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