So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
