I want to make a zoo with you.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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