Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
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I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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