Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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