You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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