my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
