is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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