just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
