guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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