My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think my moral compass just broke
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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