I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
