I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
