Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
